Worry represents our deep investment in our offspring whose health and happiness mean the world to us. But there’s a steep cost to worry if it robs us of our enjoyment of our children. A worried parent may be so consumed with fear that she’s unavailable to be present with her kids.
A worried mom can’t celebrate her son’s learning to walk for fear that he’ll fall. A worried dad feels sick at his daughter’s graduation, agonizing about her leaving for college. Each development calls up a whole new set of troubles to anticipate.
And worry costs kids, too. The child of worriers longs for relaxed parents who can laugh and play. This child misses out on many of life’s experiences as his parent worries about the “what ifs.”
NO, you can’t play with other toddlers at the gym. What if you pick up germs?
NO, you can’t go to the park to play. What if a kidnapper is hiding in the shrubs?
NO, you can’t go boating with friends. What if you drown?
Children of first rate worriers sometimes resent their parents’ tight control. They may also grow up with a fearful view of the world, taught by parents who see trouble at every opportunity.
In addition to worrying about their safety, parents often worry about behavior in kids which is really developmentally appropriate. Parents of adolescents worry that when their child closes the bedroom door, she’s up to no good. But adolescents need space to withdraw a bit as part of their personal development. Rather than worrying, parents may need to affirm the appropriateness of this new behavior.
A prevention for worry about the unsafe world is to learn as much as we can about the situation and set up what safeguards we can in advance. An antidote to worry about behavior is to talk to other parents and learn that their children are often displaying the same behaviors as yours.
Minimizing worry is worth the effort. Author Leo Buscaglia writes, “Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.” Our kids’ childhoods will pass quickly and will soon be only a mix of memories. Controlling our worry gives us the chance to build more of the happy variety.
